MIDNIGHT POETRY “No Child No Regret”

Now this is one piece that just came up for me as I reflected upon the choice in my life to stay Child-free. The below words may not resonate with everyone, I get that. Let’s just say it’s my personal lens on this still rather hot and controversial subject.

 

“No Child No Regret”

Parental expectations
At the heart of society
Push into relationships
Without true connection
Vested interest procreation

Fear of years passing by
The chase to fit in the mold
All girlfriends who pushed prams
Turned into tired mums

No chance of sleep and forget “me” time
Relationship suffers a blow
All we have is our choice
There is no good time for remorse

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If any of you reading this can relate to it, I would love to hear your thoughts on this subject. Is it a hot topic of discussion for you?

 

Alternative to Alcoholic beverages

WHEN ALCOHOL STARTED TO MAKE SENSE

If you think that this is another one of my confessions following the last few articles, you might be surprised. Yes, I am going to speak about drinking of alcohol and when it all started to make sense. However, it won’t be the story about getting sober after a night of drinking…

What I want to ponder about today with you is the following. The reasons for drinking of alcohol may seem to vary between individuals. Often having some form of alcoholic drink is seen as a nice touch to a well prepared meal.  Then there are occasions, like celebrations of any kind, where alcohol plays its celebrity status. And the last but not least of the groups of alcohol drinking occasions are those days and moments when people are just drinking for the sake of getting drunk.

So what about alcohol is so elusively attractive? I would like to share with you my discovery on alcohol drinking.

It’s not the fact, that it tastes good (which in most cases it DOESN’T, until one gets used to it, or drunk enough). It’s not even the fact, that it’s the drink of choice when socializing with others and we are often influenced by other peers to a drink.

The attractiveness of alcohol is simple.

It is the power of this etheric substance that brings our mind out of the controlling role and takes us away from our day to day issues. Most people, when they drink alcohol (perhaps a bit more than a half of a glass) start to feel like their troubles start to wash away; they become more confident in their expression and speech; their behavior starts to be more open and expressive.

Now, I will say that all of the above characteristics are not typical behavior for the person. They will show, however, their true personality traits revealed. The good, the bad, the ugly. All of it at once, sometimes.

When did alcohol start to make sense?

To answer that I will choose my own way of putting it. Alcohol made sense, because it is the ‘shortcut’, respectively a ‘quick fix’ to the feelings that people are yearning for. The feelings of joy; connection to something greater than themselves; acceptance of who they are; being in the moment; not having to worry about a single thing. The essence of alcohol drinking is to numb the controlling, nagging, always present conscious mind!

So saying all of the above, as a non-alcohol beverages drinker, I would like to offer an alternative to alcohol drinking. Can you relate to the above words and find alcohol relaxing? Then I would recommend you to try some form of relaxation, that doesn’t involve damage to your brain cells and slow destruction of your organs.

One of my suggested options to alcohol could be to try some non-alcoholic fermented drinks, for example Kombucha. That would be first step that would allow you to still enjoy the acquired taste of something tart and fizzy, without the side effects of alcohol consumption.

The next step would be to look at your thought patterns, in a way of self-discovery (read up on CBT if you like) and finding the reason behind the need to drink. And then find some relaxing music (that doesn’t make you emotionally charged), simple meditation or just plain rain drops or bird sounds to keep your mind occupied in a better way than drinking of alcohol.

And the last tip I would give you. If you feel pressure from your peers to have a drink as a social gesture, please find other friends. If that is not possible, be the friend that brings in a few bottles of Kombucha and offer it to others as an alternative to alcohol (perhaps not even saying that it’s non-alcoholic if you prefer).

Sober and joyous life.

ALL RELATIONSHIP ISSUES SOLVED!

When it comes to relationships, there are many in our lives. There are many people in different relationships to us. Some people are in relationship with us and we call them family. Others we have a different type of relationship with and call them friends.

Another kind of relationship we might have with someone in a position of authority. Perhaps a doctor, coach, landlady, or teacher. Whatever the reason we are interacting with another person on a regular basis, we tend to enter into some form of a relationship with them.

The best thing about relationships is, as many of you might have realized, that they are usually involving two and more people. Yet, we also have some kind of a relationship with ourselves.

What I want to discuss with you today, is how we are handling these interactions with other people. Whether with family, friends, or others in our life.

I will give you an example here.

Here we have Betty and her partner of many years, Don. Betty loves Don and Don loves Betty. Let’s start with Betty.

Betty has been feeling a  bit frustrated lately. When we examine it closer, the reason Betty is not happy is because Don doesn’t pay much attention to Betty. At least not as much as he used to.  Don, who is at work the whole day, is fairly happy just to crash on the couch, watch some TV, have a beer and go to sleep.

Betty tries to talk to Don, but as she is not getting the kind of interaction that she would be pleased with, she soon stops her attempts to start the talk. As a result, she starts to look for another way to feel better and to fill the void. Betty finds herself a solution. She goes to shops and buys designers clothing.

When Betty shows Don her newly bought treasures, at least there she generates some form of interaction between her and Don. It might also mean, that Don will have to look at her in her bright new outfit, and might even compliment her.

From the above scenario, we can see that Betty is finding another way of getting to feel better. However, avoiding the real issue.

Now, here is Don.

Don doesn’t usually tend to express much, in terms of feelings and emotions. He doesn’t tend to talk much with Betty, as he doesn’t think she can understand him. Don is sometimes upset that Betty does things without his consent, but he doesn’t talk about it much.

Don thinks life is a struggle and one has to build up resilience and overcome the struggle by being virtuous. So he tries his best to live a virtuous existence. At times, Don’s internal pressure valve bursts open and the steam comes out with others around him.

Look at Betty and Don. Are you able to perhaps see anyone you know in this example?

Now let me tell you how I see this scenario from the external viewpoint. And what would serve best both Betty and Don.

Betty and Don had become a bit intertwined with each other over the years. And truly, that happens to many of us, when we live with someone long enough.

At the beginning, we spoke about the different reasons we all enter into relationships. The partnership relationship is one that many of us, or at least some of us, will go through in this life.

We learn very young how relationships are, by observing people around us. Then when we are growing up, we learn from other sources like media. The mixture of these is indeed a big influence on how we form and handle our own relationships.

Have you ever heard yourself say something to another, and then realized that you just sounded like one of your parents or carer?

So how to best deal with conflicts and issues underlying the often overlooked problems, before they snowball into a bigger problem in our relationship?

The best way about building lasting and fulfilling relationship is to start with oneself. When we are still single and at the stage when we dream about the other half. That is the time we need to start building a strong relationship with oneself.

What does that look like?

When we learn to understand, that the reason we would like to be in a relationship is for the beautiful shared moments of peace and harmony, of joy and content with life, of excitement from living and sharing this existence with another being. Then the person of such a confidence with life, is ready to attract their match.

On the other hand, when we come to partnership relationship from needs and expectations on the other person, we don’t come from a place of wholeness and love. Then the other person we attract to ourselves is also in the same boat. They are responding to the energetic vibration we are sending (we could call it a certain degree of low self-confidence, lack of self-love and desire for any kind of personal attachment).

The true solution to Betty and Don is to go back to their own basic needs and fulfill them with self-love. They, and we all, can be sure to do ourselves a big favor, when we come back and start the journey within.

And if that all sounds too airy fairy, then perhaps just have a power session at the gym and couple of green smoothies, before delving into the unknown field of self exploration and self-help.

I wish you the best new self discoveries. As we all can benefit from some more meditation, internal observing, reflection and self-awareness.

Live well aware.

 

 

 

 

COMING OUT OF THE CLOSET

Here it is! A breakthrough announcement. Let me tell you the story, so you know which closet it’s coming from.

There was a time in my life when things were not this smooth, but rather purely crazy. My relationships were an orderly chaos for many years. I actually made a bet that I will not marry. The partnerships that I got into were not very suitable for me and my work life was just a daily endeavor that kept me in a state of limbo for a long time. I had been living that way for too long, until I could not breathe in that life any longer.

The meaning of my life was a blur. Acting according to societal expectations, ingrained into me through my upbringing. I lived unaware of what this existence was all about. What I was all about. What my life meant and what was I here for.

When conformity became way too big a burden to drag around I packed one bag and left my country of origin. On my own. I knew nobody, where I was heading and I didn’t quite have a clue what I will do.

What kept me going was the need for a change of scenery. The need to get out of the uncomfortable feeling I had in the so called comfort zone. If I stayed where I was, nothing seemed to ever improve. So I had to carve my own life path.

The new beginning  in a new country was not easy. However, even through the first few years I was fairly stable and solid in my opinions about life and how I wanted to live it.

I met some interesting people on my journey and took upon a few opportunities and it all started to come together and bring me a new sense of belonging and identity. Things started to work out nicely. Until…

Until life had a joke up its sleeve for me and I was about to learn more about it.

Then one day I browsed the internet for places to go on holidays. I stumbled upon a 10 days silent meditation retreat, which was called Vipassana. My curious mind was engaged and once I found a bit more about it I was hooked. I wanted to try it. I was both daring and intrigued. To spend 10 days in complete silence, without any eye contact, with no sex, no writing, no technology, no books, no exercise, no alcohol, no drugs, no music…no distractions.

Well, it didn’t take much for me to decide to do it.

The retreat was set in a forest, in an environment of peaceful surroundings and wild wallabies, birds and other creatures. Just perfect set for such an intense 10 days meditation course.

I will skip the details of the retreat story here, and get to the point I want to make here.

My life shattered on that retreat. It was wild, crazy, deep, moving, painful and enlightening ride. I survived physically, yet everything in my psyche fell apart and re-birthed itself anew. It blew my mind, literally.

Life after the retreat was not in any shape or form the same as before.

The belief structures that were so well ingrained in my psyche shattered into millions of lights. Life suddenly made sense.

To know what I am talking about here exactly, you can Google these two words “Kundalini Awakening”, respectively for more descriptive detail of the events, you might want to read the book “Driven By Kundalini”.

I went from being a rather strong and solid practical personality for most years, to finding myself in the center of the whole universal life energy. Bliss is a good way to describe the state of mind, when our mind gets out of the way and the energies there are present and moving upwards.

Experience the eternity in a moment is the best I can call it. Hell and heavens meeting point.

What actually happened was that I ended up hospitalized and locked up in the ICU intensity care unit.

And that was just the beginning …

To leave you with some sort of wisdom from all this. Here is what I know now.

Life is best lived. Until we stretch our thinking mind, we don’t grow. Without support of the right kind, we might not progress as expected.

Let life be what it is, without expectations and attachments to the past or the future.

Be aware.