Exposed Bare. Mentally Ill Or Awaking?

This time I decided to share something very different with you all.  Now this is a very personal video that I was nudged to share with the world after ‘hiding it’ in the closet for over 9 months.

To give you a bit of a scenery….This video was recorded by me on 1 January 2017. The next day I admitted myself to hospital.

Leaving the rest to your imagination…

Now, if you have watched the  video I would be glad if you posted a comment. I would like to learn about your responses.

Love & healing to you and your loved ones.






How to Detox the Ego

Are you aware, that there is a part of you, often referred to as an ego, which tries its utmost to control all aspects of your life? It is the part of you that tells you what you need to do, and what you should or should not do in any given situation.

It is also this part, which pulls the strings of your reactions to anything in your reality. It tries to control your emotional responses, as it sees fit. Why would our ego do this? The programmed function of the ego is a protection from danger. And as it tries to do its job well, it tries all the tricks it learned.

However, the ego is not who we are in our wholeness and completeness. We are a way more than our ego. We are something beyond our mental comprehension.

Many people who are searching for inner peace or blissful states of being are conscious of this part of theirs, the ego, and think, that they need to destroy its functioning completely and only then they will find peace and happiness.

I would like to share my current viewpoint. As I stated above, our ego has a programmed function of safety and survival as its core.

We didn’t come to this body with fear of life. When life ‘happened’ to us, at the early onset of our physical creation in the womb, our body were only two little cells. They orderly multiplied and life was in the process of creating our body.

When we were very little children, and before we heard the first “Don’t” from our carers, we felt freedom. The freedom of the Self, expressed through form. It was the inherent freedom of being alive and free to experience life.

Then the first perceived fear was installed into us by our carers and day by day our spontaneous joy of existence seeped away. Our psyche split into different parts, as we were introduced into the societal drill of control of our feelings and behaviors. We started to form beliefs about life and ourselves. They were not our individual beliefs. They were passed onto us from the past generations.

Now, I will say one part of our psyche split itself from the whole, into the ego part.  The learned conscious part of ourselves  took to its purpose to be the gatekeeper, the judge, the controller, the auditor, the censor of all the life experiences that we perceive through the five senses that we possess.

What then is the way out to the freedom of being?

My observation is that the first step is to form an awareness of having an ego part. The next step is to take its place of control seriously. Appreciate its function. Acknowledge that it’s been trying its hardest to protect our life from danger for the whole time we are alive.

Then the next step is to take the responsibility of the ego into broader awareness that we reach beyond more than our fears and, often, rigid beliefs.

I am not proclaiming that getting rid of the ego is the way to be. What I am saying is to befriend our ego, to shine a light onto its important historical function and to allow ‘him’ some time off from the controlling position of our life.

Detox the ego

By having awareness and focus we are well equipped to create a different reality than the one we were creating through the ego blinded eyes. Our life always reflects who we are on the inside in the given moment. When we start to unveil the frightened parts of our psyche, under the control of the ego, it challenges the ego a big time. So we need to do it with love and understanding.

Rather than blaming the ego for our current life, we need to embrace his function and replace his ways with the ways of the heart. It’s our journey in this life to learn to be real. Not realistic, but real. Be authentic means to be who we really are, with all our traits that we try to suppress under the skin. And loving the wholeness of what we are. All of it with ego or without.



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Do you have a strong conviction about something? Does this belief structure define who you are? Or are you able to see beyond your collective beliefs, to the core of who you truly are? Is there possibly more to you than the sum of what you believe in?

Ponder about this.

We can be swept by a strong belief in something outside of us, that we believe is TRUE. Whether it is belief in the concept of flat Earth, or that there are ‘THEY’ who control our lives, or that we are just a product of our society and environment and perhaps some genes; or that if something isn’t done now, we will starve to death, as there is now too many people on our planet and not enough resources for all of us (the belief in scarcity).

The thing is, that these and all the other beliefs we might hold, are JUST beliefs. However, when we live our live guided and under the influence of these beliefs, WE PROVE THEM to be correct.

So my point is….are we individually choosing the beliefs that are serving us, or those that make us fearful and depressed?

It’s a conscious choice. Once we realize, that our beliefs are only THOUGHTS THAT WE KEEP THINKING LONG ENOUGH, UNTIL THEY TURN INTO BELIEFS we can decide to either keep those beliefs that we find beneficial for our development, and find new ones, that might more accurately reflect who we want to be and what we want to experience.

What we call reality is just a reflection of our perception. There is no such a thing as ONE REALITY for all of us. Even take two people (go as far as twins) living in the same space, and each one of them has a completely different perception of life and the world they live in.

So remember to choose your beliefs wisely as they define what we experience (RATHER THAN WHO WE ARE).

How Deep Meditation Can Cause Strong Medication

This is a real life story of a person I thought I had known very closely. Right until these events happened and everything changed. I will try my best to describe the experiences as they were perceived to be true. You will learn that meditation is not just some easy relaxation technique for busy people. What I want to express here is that deep meditation has the potential to lead to transformation. However, at some stages in life of the person undergoing this, it can be experienced as mental issues.

If you never meditated yourself and only ever heard of the benefits of meditation, you may be surprised to read what I wrote here. Even if you do have experience with meditation or are seasoned meditator, you may have never came across the situation that I will describe here. However, this can happen from a deep meditation and many people are drawn into the depth of it.

The fact is that the Eastern tradition of meditation has been brought into the Western world without much of the accompanying literature and records that were often kept in secrecy by the initiates. Only when things went wrong for me and I started to look deeper and search for answers I started to learn about another world of data in relation to meditation. I first learned about the knowledge of Kundalini and it’s powerful energy after I had my own experience with it.

Kundalini is a name that describes the life force in each of us. In the Eastern tradition it is explained that this life energy is usually dormant inside our body through our lives. Most people won’t even know about it’s existence. However, nowadays there are many people in both East and the West who are on the quest to reach Kundalini rising or awakening. Their goal can be usually attained through the long practice of deep meditation or through initiation by Masters who have an active Kundalini themselves.

In my case it was a rather sudden awakening through meditation method called Vipassana. This meditation method is one where the person first concentrates on his breath, later on parts of his body and as the meditation practice progresses one learns to move the energy in his body through his body parts. I imagine that would be similar to Reiki energy movement, however, done on oneself.

I haven’t been meditating very much previously to this event. My basic meditation skills were the use of Holosync technologies meditation audio, but not on a regular basis. Few times my partner and I went to a variety of different meditation sessions, about 6 in total. So it was not like I was some sort of Yogi who sat in daily meditation and tried to reach Nirvana.

Vipassana is thought on retreats all over the world and the one we went to was in Queensland hinterlands on a beautiful peaceful property surrounded by forest. It was a 10 days retreat with very strict conditions. One of them was complete silence for the full duration of the retreat; another was not to look in other people’s eyes, no drugs, no sex, no writing, and no electronics and the list of prohibitions went on and on. Just to make sure that we were completely separated from the outside influences.

It is very deep experience and as such may be very life changing for many people. For me it surely was. I had a very good time there for several days. Meditating for most of the day, with some light vegetarian meals for lunch. Other than that there was nothing else to do or worry about. Until it happened.

After several days in very enjoyable state of permanent meditation and pleasant feelings on the body I was to experience my own Kundalini awakening and rising. It was the best feeling in the whole world. Beyond what words can convey.

It was both physical and mental pleasure and it lasted for what seemed like hours (perhaps it was). After this experience another dimension opened up to me. My mind was full of new perceptions and abilities. This was all well and good. Until a few days later when I started to have some frightening feelings.

I felt as if part of my body was dying and I was not able to control it. That scene went into such a dramatic experience that I was escorted out of the meditation hall and after some more unusual occurrences, we were told to leave the retreat in the middle of the night.

At the end I ended up in hospital. I was disillusioned, didn’t react to what people were telling me and lived in some sort of magical reality that nobody else could see. After I had been administered some strong drugs I quickly came to and behaved ‘normally’ again. The doctors were perplexed as they haven’t experienced someone with such symptoms from meditation before. They also said that my recovery was very quick.

I returned to my normal life few days later and in a month ended up in hospital again. This continued for months and led into years. The worst was yet to come. With time the treatment started to be harsher and the time in hospital longer as they tried and tested all possible calming drugs on me.

Meditation can be a great tool to peaceful life. However, it needs to be used with caution and people should be aware of what can happen in cases like mine.

What I can say to people is this. “If you want to change your life by meditation, have no expectations on the outcome. It will change your life, and in the long run it will be to the better.”


Well, firstly what I mean is the mask of make-up and all the other chemical substances that mainly women put on their face. And then there is the other mask…the one we don’t wear on our face, yet it’s visible in our life in other ways. It’s the invisible mask of unauthentic living.

So, let’s have a look at why we tend to wear these masks at all.

Let’s gather some common reasons:

  • we feel better
  • we look better
  • we look put together
  • we look presentable
  • we might look healthier
  • we might look younger

Now, whether the above reasons are really a reflection of reality or not, is another story.

What do these reasons actually mean? I will share with you my own findings.

Feel free to expand on this topic in the comment box.

Why we tend to feel better with the mask?

The image that we hold about ourselves inside our mind is skewed and reflects our upbringing and belief around self-worth. We tend to try to measure up to our ideal image of how we ‘should’ look. Most of us often feel imperfect as we are (who got this into our heads, right?). To create a bridge between the ideal image of the self and the perceived image that we hold inside, we often tend to succumb to the peer and cultural norm to do something about it.

Well, is makeup the best way to cover our perceived imperfections?

I say no. In my view, makeup is a poor tool to bridge the imaginary gap.

There is a more health conscious way how to do that.

When we stop looking down at our differences and unique features, we start to discover self-love and feeling of self-worth.

There is never enough compliments to supplement for self hate!

The way to beautiful face and body is self love in the first place. That is the best way to stay youthful and beautiful both inside and out. And if you think that beauty is what you see in those photo-shopped magazines, than you are mistaken. There is a unique beauty in everything that is created by nature.

Learn to appreciate your wrinkles, because they speak words of life experiences and emotions. Learn to appreciate your scars, because they speak about your story with overcoming challenges. Learn to love your face as much as you say you love someone else. Be gentle with yourself. Stay true to yourself and be who you truly are. Within and without.

Is Life To Be Survived Or Enjoyed?


Well, what is your answer to the question in the title of this post?

Whatever your answer was gives you a hint into your perception about life.
Let me ask you another question: If you are watching TV, are you finding TV news uplifting or depressing? Are the news reflection of the reality you are living or not?
Do you believe there is more suffering in the world than there is beauty and joy?
Well, if you are on the side of ‘suffering’ and negative perception of life, you might find my following words challenging to believe. However, if you give yourself a permission to stretch your current beliefs and opinions, you will be able to see what I am saying.

Here is an example you might find interesting to ponder about.

Two brothers were involved in the same car accident. Neither of them got hurt. Afterwards, they were exchanging…

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ChildFree/Kids Free by Choice

This surely took me by surprise. Until I decided to create a community group for women who don’t have kids, I lived unaware. Unaware of all the issues and differences between women, who for whatever reason could not have children and those, who made that decision quite early on in their life and stuck with it.

My first attempt in creating of the group was to bring together women who don’t have children (or whose children already left homes) and therefore who would be interested in other topics that those relating to diapers, schools, homework etc.

How amazed I was after several meetings with some of our group members. The issues between the different groups of women started to slowly creep in. Some of these were obvious and some I learned later on in emails that I got from some members.

Some of the women, who did not have children by circumstance, were at times feeling still rather sensitive about the topic and the strength of opinions expressed by some women, who chose to not have kids. On the other hand, women who chose not have children felt little bit uneasy as to what they could say in front of the other part of the group.

Well, so I was presented with a question to redefine the purpose of the group and its target audience.

This I did. So far I’m very happy with the outcome. Our target audience are women, who either decided not to have children or who could not have them, yet are now ok about it.

If you are interested to find out more about our community group called

Kids Free Women In Brisbane‘ visit:

And if you are from another city/state/country, I encourage you to set up your own community group for women without children.

Let’s share, empower, encourage, support one another and form new friendships.

Have a magical life.