MIDNIGHT POETRY – “WHO WONDERS”

Who wonders

What does it take
For unbreakable to break
The immaculate is a mess
When mind becomes a stress

The creative flow stops
At the onset of a break
Knowing it all too well
Perfection is a fake

Energy like a current
Flowing freely boundless
Catch it if you dare
Laser sharp focus

Encapsulated in eggshells
Cuckoo in the clock
Loose screws and buttons
Fixer upper project

Resonant colors
Vivid imagery
Smell of burning flesh
Barbie in a queue

Molecular closeness
Fierce rush of blood
Electric impulses
Into the head

Release of hormone
Pleasure or pain
Once I wondered

About a healthy brain

THE TIME OF SWOOPING MAGPIES

It has been an interesting ride for me, this past two to three weeks. My brain had to undergo a number of shocks and to reset itself, after the ongoing energy that went through it.

Who doesn’t believe that we are energetic beings needs to learn about the use of electro-convulsive therapy. ECT, as it is commonly known, is rather controversial treatment and in many countries is forbidden. Here, in Australia, it is still however a common treatment of choice for stabilizing mental health.

What I learned afterwards is that it is administered in combination with a medication, which makes the patient lose memory. At least that was the explanation given to me by a nurse, when I complained about a loss of memory at around the time of ECT.

Now, you might or might not agree with the use of ECT. I had my brain changed by its use multitude of times in the last 9 years. I can say that it seems to be the one and only resource in the medical field, which seems to deliver some desired result.

So, whether I agree with the administering of the electrical current to my brain or not, whether I like to undergo a seizure of a kind or not; I have to admit, that its result is rather mysterious, yet desired. It happens to somewhat reset and bring back my commonly accepted behaviors and beliefs.

And the persona that is accepted in the society at large, as well functioning, returns upon the effect of the ECT.

Yes, I am blatantly stating that it works, even though no one actually understands why and how.

The vegetable, which I become, right after the treatment with ECT, slowly and mysteriously dissipates and I start to return to make ‘sense’ again. My faculty of cognition and logic returned and I was even able to talk the doctors out of further treatment.

And if you ask why I need the treatment in the first place, you might be surprised to learn the truth. The truth is, that since my Kundalini awakening experience back in 2009, I at times enter a state of being, a state of mind, where I become ‘a danger’ to myself. I stop eating, drinking and sleeping. In that state, I can communicate with others, still cognitive, yet elevated. I feel very high energetically and can be very physically and mentally strong during that time.

That state is not yet sustainable or accepted by others. So until I am able to sustain it and survive it in this body, I understand that I still need to receive a treatment for it.

And until there is a better and humanely more acceptable treatment other than ECT, I will have to endure its course.

May the energy flow through you in harmony.

Shock therapy

ECT aka Shock treatment – Barbaric or Helpful?

Scrolling through Facebook last night I came across a blog post by Dr. Caroline Leaf, specializing in Neuropsychology, who in her blog wrote about ECT treatments for mental illnesses. Now, Dr. Leaf’s blog post was not too long to get the full story, but in essence I felt there is rather strong disagreement with the general use of Electro-Convulsive Therapy.

Please know, that I do love and appreciate the work on the neuroplasticity of the human brain of Dr. Caroline Leaf and all of her wisdom.

As an advocate for a broader mental health awareness, and also someone, who experienced ECT several times on my own brain (the latest one in Jan 2017), here is my viewpoint on this controversial subject:

My experience with Electro Shocks

Despite the fact, that the ‘ECT treatment’ I received was always administered without my, or my family’s consent while I was unwell, now I would say it had its place. Upon reflection on it, if it was not for the ECT’s (given to me during several different hospital admissions and only after all other efforts using medication failed) there was a high chance that I may have not recovered so quickly from what was very debilitating and hard to manage condition.

The shock treatment has had for a very long time, a very bad reputation. To me that is mainly due to its portraying in the media for its past administration without the use of anesthetics and relaxants. That could be the very scary bit, that nobody would like to experience. However, nowadays it is given with full body anesthetic and relaxants injected into the bloodstream of the ‘poor’ patient. One goes to sleep long before the electrodes touch the head and wakes up afterwards without any pain. Just like after other successful operation.

So the barbaric associations that this ‘treatment’ has in the society is a little bit unfair. This is also due to the “One fly over the Cuckoo’s nest” movie, that had its place in showing the bad aspects of mental institutions back in the day. Nowadays, there are still surely not a place one likes to be held in, however, it all comes down to having good doctors and nurses, who make the big difference in any hospital environment.

Side Effects of ECT

While ‘my’ first ECT had a significant effect on memory loss and some other cognitive functioning, which affected my work abilities and my confidence, I am now able to express gratitude and accept this as one of the more effective methods of the mental health industry. Overall I had several instances when it was the last resort used by the treatment team and it was actually the one thing that really worked.

So unless you had ECT on yourself, please do not spread more fear and misunderstanding about it. There is greater need for more clarity and awareness though. Thank you for reading my thoughts on this. And if you or someone you know experienced ECT personally, I would love to read your thoughts in the comment box below.

Joy and clarity