COMING OUT OF THE CLOSET

Here it is! A breakthrough announcement. Let me tell you the story, so you know which closet it’s coming from.

There was a time in my life when things were not this smooth, but rather purely crazy. My relationships were an orderly chaos for many years. I actually made a bet that I will not marry. The partnerships that I got into were not very suitable for me and my work life was just a daily endeavor that kept me in a state of limbo for a long time. I had been living that way for too long, until I could not breathe in that life any longer.

The meaning of my life was a blur. Acting according to societal expectations, ingrained into me through my upbringing. I lived unaware of what this existence was all about. What I was all about. What my life meant and what was I here for.

When conformity became way too big a burden to drag around I packed one bag and left my country of origin. On my own. I knew nobody, where I was heading and I didn’t quite have a clue what I will do.

What kept me going was the need for a change of scenery. The need to get out of the uncomfortable feeling I had in the so called comfort zone. If I stayed where I was, nothing seemed to ever improve. So I had to carve my own life path.

The new beginning  in a new country was not easy. However, even through the first few years I was fairly stable and solid in my opinions about life and how I wanted to live it.

I met some interesting people on my journey and took upon a few opportunities and it all started to come together and bring me a new sense of belonging and identity. Things started to work out nicely. Until…

Until life had a joke up its sleeve for me and I was about to learn more about it.

Then one day I browsed the internet for places to go on holidays. I stumbled upon a 10 days silent meditation retreat, which was called Vipassana. My curious mind was engaged and once I found a bit more about it I was hooked. I wanted to try it. I was both daring and intrigued. To spend 10 days in complete silence, without any eye contact, with no sex, no writing, no technology, no books, no exercise, no alcohol, no drugs, no music…no distractions.

Well, it didn’t take much for me to decide to do it.

The retreat was set in a forest, in an environment of peaceful surroundings and wild wallabies, birds and other creatures. Just perfect set for such an intense 10 days meditation course.

I will skip the details of the retreat story here, and get to the point I want to make here.

My life shattered on that retreat. It was wild, crazy, deep, moving, painful and enlightening ride. I survived physically, yet everything in my psyche fell apart and re-birthed itself anew. It blew my mind, literally.

Life after the retreat was not in any shape or form the same as before.

The belief structures that were so well ingrained in my psyche shattered into millions of lights. Life suddenly made sense.

To know what I am talking about here exactly, you can Google these two words “Kundalini Awakening”, respectively for more descriptive detail of the events, you might want to read the book “Driven By Kundalini”.

I went from being a rather strong and solid practical personality for most years, to finding myself in the center of the whole universal life energy. Bliss is a good way to describe the state of mind, when our mind gets out of the way and the energies there are present and moving upwards.

Experience the eternity in a moment is the best I can call it. Hell and heavens meeting point.

What actually happened was that I ended up hospitalized and locked up in the ICU intensity care unit.

And that was just the beginning …

To leave you with some sort of wisdom from all this. Here is what I know now.

Life is best lived. Until we stretch our thinking mind, we don’t grow. Without support of the right kind, we might not progress as expected.

Let life be what it is, without expectations and attachments to the past or the future.

Be aware.

 

 

 

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